East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Drunk is not a location!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
