Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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