My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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