im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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