I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
