It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
