Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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