Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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