In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
