My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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