we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
