this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
