Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
