don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
