It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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