At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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