i already hear my dad disowning me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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