my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
