so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
