if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Panties = found
Randomize
