Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You can't special order awesome
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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