I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
