What a fucking waste of an outfit
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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