I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
