Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ugly people sure do ruin things
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
