I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
