I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
