kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize