I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
