Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
