The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm always down for nudity.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
