he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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