I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Everclear isn't food dammit
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize