bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
