remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Screwed.edu
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
