I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
