Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
