Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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