So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
