just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Randomize
