Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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