Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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