sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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