Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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