Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The feeling are messing with the penis
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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