Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
