i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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