That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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