babies were throwing up all over the place
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
