dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
