I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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