I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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