Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
His nipple licking is glorious
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