I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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