It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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