someone threw a dead crab at me
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
