champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
