When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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