I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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