So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
