The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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