i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
