My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
