I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize