I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
