just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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