I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she peed on how many people?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
