I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
