At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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