Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
